Bullying is a serious problem that can emotionally and physically affect a child. Children, parents, and caregivers need to have open communication about bullying. It is important that you and your child know how to identify bullying and how to navigate these situations.
This section of Next Step provides information on:
What is Bullying?
Bullying should be taken seriously and not tolerated as a part of growing up. Bullying is a potentially serious threat to the healthy development of children. Bullying can happen to anyone, anywhere, and can cause serious emotional, educational, and physical harm.
Bullying is a public health issue.
—Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Extracurricular activities are a great way for children and teens to make friends and discover new Bullying is often common during middle school years, or ages 11 to 14. During this time children move from elementary to middle school, and then from middle to high school. While moving between schools, children are trying to find their place in new peer groups.
Bullies act out to establish their control over others. Bullying is intentional and it’s a power play. Bullying can be physical, such as hitting, kicking, shoving, punching, and spitting. Other types of physical bullying are less direct, such as blocking, following, or encircling another person as they pass by. Bullying can also be verbal, such as name calling and spreading rumors. It can be emotional, such as intimidation or social exclusion. It can occur in person or through email, phone calls, text messages, online, and through social media channels.
While bullying often takes the form of verbal threats and abuse, physical violence does happen. For anyone with a bleeding disorder, this behavior can be very dangerous.
Take time each day to listen and talk to your child.
As a parent or caregiver, be aware that bullying happens. Your child may be bullied by others or be a bully. Your child may have seen someone being bullied. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, nearly 30% of American adolescents reported at least moderate bullying experiences as the bully, the victim, or both.
Who is a Bully and Why?
Unfortunately, bullying is an issue many children deal with at all stages of their school years.
A bully is someone who:
- Needs to be in control.
- Lacks the ability to identify with the feelings of another.
- May have been bullied.
- May come from a family that allows aggressive behavior, lacks consistent discipline, shows little warmth, and isn’t supportive.
- To get attention, feel superior, and control others.
- They are or were victims of bullying.
- They’re jealous or resentful.
- They may have low self-esteem.
- It makes them feel powerful.
- They don’t know how to resolve social problems and conflicts peacefully.
- Comes home with torn, missing, or damaged clothing, books, or belongings.
- Unexplained bruises, cuts, and scratches.
- Is hesitant or afraid to go to school, ride the bus, or take part in school activities.
- Low self-esteem.
- Difficulty sleeping.
- Loss of appetite.
- Sudden poor performance in school.
- Regressive behavior. For example, bed-wetting or thumb-sucking in younger children.)
- Older children will withdraw or isolate from family or friends.
- Skipping school to avoid the bully.
What to Do About Bullying?
What You Can Do to Set a Good Example
- Be consistent with discipline. Set clear standards of behavior, limits, and expectations.
- Be positive in your communication.
- Be a good role model.
- Monitor your own behavior. Children copy their parents and caregivers behaviors, both good and bad.
- Practice positive conflict resolution. This can look like listening, respectful negotiating, clearly stating needs, and showing flexibility.
- Show understanding for how another person feels.
- Teach your child to respect differences in others.
- Become involved in your child’s school.
- This can be as simple as helping with homework and attending school meetings.
- You can build a network with other parents and caregivers to promote school safety and prevention of bullying behavior.
- Find out if the school has a policy on bullying. If there isn’t one, work with the school administration and any parent and teacher organizations to establish one.
- Share any experiences you’ve had with bullying.
What You Can Do if Your Child Is Bullied
- Listen to your child. Be calm and reassuring.
- Don’t blame anyone: victim, bully, or witness.
- Do not encourage your child to physically attack or get back at the bully.
- Practice role playing using positive social skills, such as asserting oneself and negotiating.
- Note the details of what your child tells you and keep a log describing the bullying incidents.
- A log is a good record when contacting the school administration and teachers. Be sure to list when the incidents occurred, who was involved, what was said or done, and any injuries received.
- Contact your child’s teacher, school counselor, or school administrator about the incident.
- Encourage the school to take the matter seriously and ask for their cooperation.
- Record all communications you have with the school administration and their responses.
- Do not contact the parents or caregivers of the bully. Allow the school’s administration to do this.
- Be sure that you have an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) and/or a 504 Accommodation Plan if needed. Both of these documents can help support any needs your child has.
Fitting In
Most teens and tweens want independence while they find their own unique identity. Many want to be like their peers and fitting in becomes a high priority. They don’t want to look or act different or miss out on activities. Sometimes this can lead to children with blood or bleeding disorders keeping their diagnosis a secret. They may conceal bleeds or their need for medication, which can delay necessary treatments.
Since hospitalizations, medical treatments, and bleeding episodes may interfere with activities and limit social experiences, many children resent their disorder. They may take their resentment out on parents, caregivers, or health care providers by being rebellious or defiant.
Coping with resentment can be challenging at any age, but especially during the tween and teen years. Understanding where your child is coming from will help them develop their unique identity. Showing a positive attitude towards their disorder and conveying a sense of normalcy throughout their day helps children to develop healthy coping skills. At the same time, it will help them to learn how to successfully manage their bleeding or blood disorder.
As children mature, they have an increased need for privacy, which may influence their decisions about telling peers about their blood or bleeding disorder. Your child may choose to disclose their diagnosis to all their friends and classmates. Your child may also want to tell only a few people or no one at all. Some tween or teens want to be known for their talents and accomplishments, not just their blood or bleeding disorder, while others will enjoy educating people on their diagnosis. Regardless of which choice is being made, be sure to include your child in this decision-making process.
Different people need different amounts of information. It’s important to inform the school, teacher, and coaches about your child’s blood or bleeding disorder and provide all necessary details to keep your child safe. A peer may just need to know that your child has a blood or bleeding disorder and what it means. Help your child know that talking about their blood or bleeding disorder with peers can help them feel more comfortable with themselves, their diagnosis, and their treatment.
Of course, different people will have different reactions to this information. Some friends may find the news perfectly normal. Others may be concerned and worried about your child's health and future. Unfortunately, some peers may react negatively. They might become upset and make unfair, biased, or hurtful remarks. Sometimes they stop contact with your child altogether.
These kinds of reactions can happen because many people know so little about bleeding or blood disorders. This may stem from preconceived ideas or ignorance and prejudice. If this happens, remember, it’s not a reflection on you or your child, and you’re not responsible for their reaction.
- Teach your child about their blood or bleeding disorder. Be certain your child has accurate information before sharing it with others.
- Help your child practice talking about having a blood or bleeding disorder. A social worker or mental health provider at your child’s Hemophilia Treatment Center (HTC) may provide additional support.
- Think through all the possible responses a peer might have when hearing that your child has a blood or bleeding disorder. Think about how your child might react in turn. This will help you and your child figure out what other information might need to be shared.
- Encourage your child to choose a good time and place to tell someone about their blood or bleeding disorder. Having enough time to talk and being in a quiet place makes it easier to talk openly and safely.
- Knowledge is key. Help your child learn about their blood or bleeding disorder. Be sure your child knows how to express their needs to others. Help your child learn how to set appropriate limits on physical activity with friends.
- Encourage your child to express their feelings about the bleeding or blood disorder, its treatment, and any other body issues. Talk to your child about how the bleeding disorder may affect both daily living and plans for the future. Discuss problems with peers and how to handle awkward situations.
- Encourage your child to socialize. Socializing with other people with blood bleeding disorders can be a beneficial experience. Children can connect in person or virtually through camp, chapter events, NBDF's Bleeding Disorders Conference, Washington Days, and other events.
- Get professional help for your child. If your child is showing any signs of depression or difficulty dealing with their blood or bleeding disorder, seek help from your child’s Hemophilia Treatment Center (HTC). Your child’s HTC can be a good place to start to find mental health providers in your area, who can address emotional challenges in tweens or teens.
- Discuss ways to manage stress. Know the signs of stress and teach your child strategies to successfully manage stress. If you want more information about this topic, please go to Managing Stress.
- Practice positive conflict resolution. Is your child acting out? Practice positive conflict resolution by listening, being flexible, clearly stating needs, and exercising respectful negotiation.